Now I know people who ship homosexual couples (usually male homosexual couples) will throw such a tiff at my next argument but I don’t care. I have a problem with the fetishism over male homosexuality as a somehow secret underlying thing. I am not an advocate for hetero normality or anything of that nature, but simply put, why must all male relationships in shows be turned into sexual ones by Tumblr. I get it, “welcome to tumblr, we love yaoi” but hear me out. The reason I have a problem with it is because it somehow negates a simple friendship between two men as something that must have some underlying homosexual tendency. Men today are often subjected to this idea that if you are a heterosexual male, any implied femininity or tenderness must be brushed aside. I am pretty damn straight ( I make my exceptions but don’t we all) but something that bothers me is that we as a culture tend to not value simple male friendships as important. Male friendships are either shown to be very anti-emotional and if they aren’t they are turned into a hidden passion for the same sex. Johnlock, Sam and Frodo, Aragorn and Legolas, whatever the hell supernatural is… Why can’t a guy love his best friend without being in love with him. In high school boys are taught to push away this kind of tenderness and I think it is a pity. Men should be able to be shown as strong and rugged as well as weak and emotional. A man should be able to tell his friend that he loves him without feeling like he needs to add “no homo” at the end of it. We as a culture should celebrate caring, platonic male relationships just as much as we seem to celebrate these fictionalized homosexual ones. While the show itself might even poke fun at the idea, I still think that men should be encouraged to show the kind of tenderness that is “expected” of women… I don’t know, it just seems that people don’t think men can care about each other without the secret longing for buttsex and that is deeply troubling to me.
Send all hate mail to:
645 Idontcarehowmuchyouloveyaoi lane, Myopinionismyown, CA, 93405.and if you get mad because I think your ship is stupid. Just remember…
I wholly agree. but I’m going to reinterpret some of what you said, in order to redirect the conversation.
Yes, I agree. There needs to be more focus on the relationships. The character dynamics, the narrative structures in the dialogue that have layers and layers of subtextual interpretation. The content and context that shows us the strength of the relationship. Not just the actual sex, although the sex is and can be a very contributive part of it. The relationships are absolutely beautiful whether they are romantically inclined or not. And that’s why I love them, why everyone loves them. That’s why Moffat writes it into the script. Why characters in the sherlock universe are always questioning the degree of their relationship.
People talk and to little else.
I personally think Sherlock and John are in fact, in love. I think that Castiel and Dean are in fact, in love. But I also believe that the Doctor and Rose are in love as well, that My best friend of the opposite gender and myself, Friends for almost 6 years, are in love. Let me say that again. Best Friends. In fact, we’ve expressed it openly to one another. We tell each other often that we love each other. We are not in a relationship. We are not having sex. We have never kissed. We have no desire to elevate it to a physical level.
But we acknowledge towards each other, the understated importance of one another’s existence, and the role of that existence within our own. We express how thankful we have been to know each other on this short path of life. We are both content being platonic. We date other people - and are okay with that, why wouldn’t we be okay. We are just happy to love one another in a more universal context of the word.
That’s where my next idea comes in. This idea about love. Why do we separate the love of a friendship, with the romantic kind of love. Love is Love. Sex is a tangible expression of love. You don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex. It is said that the love that starts in friendship, creates the best partners.It is the same love, so why are we creating a caste system for it.
Why do we cut and slice and dissect the concept of love to fit our perceptions, of what those perceptions should should be. Why do we say this type of love is fetishized, and another type of love isn’t?
My whole point?
Lets start with the idea that Gay sex isn’t fetishized. Sex is Fetishized. Why are we trying to call out one fetishization over another. Why are we saying Gay Sex fetishization is wrong, but ignoring hetero and lesbian sex fetishization. Certainly, Yaoi is more visible on the net, But overall the fetishization of Gay Sex, is not what hurts perceptions of the gay community. The fetishization of sex, however is what hurts the whole community. The Fetishization of sex hurts all relationships.All of them.
Our society which is based heavily on materialistic values tells us that love is only real if it has a tangible, material connection. It especially relates this to women.
The fetishization of the sexual aspect in all fandoms, in all ships. is because people need a tangible, material validation of that relationship, to make it real in their system.
Because societey has taught us that it is not real unless they have sex. This is especially true in terms of the Yaoi realm where the fanbase is largely women. women who are told that they need to have sex to make their relationship meaningful. Unless they have sex, it does not count.
There are countless deep seated issues that go beyond the fetishization of sex, but back to the point. The dynamic of the friendship develops a stronger emotional bond. It is more open. it is more trusting. and most importantly it ignores the idea of sex. When the idea of sex is not established. The focus becomes the relationship. The meaning of the existence to the other person. The tiny everyday actions that one person does for the other. The love. becomes. the focus.
Thus it allows for a much stronger idea of love to be built. And again I want to say I am conflating the idea of romantic love and friendship love. and compassionate gestural love. and parental love. Because love is always expressed as love. There is only one love. It is what is is.
Ultimately because of this stronger dynamic the friendship based relationships have more sex in the fandom, because there is more of a desire to validate it.
Now, I’m not saying that this is okay. or that it’s a good thing. Fetishization of sex is really unfortunate, and pulls focus from some otherwise really great aspects of the relationship between the two characters. Not to mention the damage that it holds in the perceptions of what sex should be and how it should be preformed.
I just want to redirect the conversation from saying: “The Gay Sex fetishization is stupid, and I don’t want to try to understand it.” to “The fetishization of Sex is harmful to the perceptions of all relationships.”
If we start celebrating the relationship, between the two human beings- whether it is friendship or romantic is irrelevant. I think then, we will see that we are really ultimately trying to celebrate the love that one person, who only assuredly understands their own existence, can have.
Because a human can truly only understand their reality, and how they perceive it as truth, and each human is themselves the center of that reality. So if that self-centered person can demonstrate something so external to their their existence, as to include someone else into their universe, into their truth. It is an act of love. And that’s what fans celebrate at the very core.
Human Connection.
Admittedly, We might not be going about it in the best way, but hate is not going to fix that. Neither is pointing out a specific group, and making that group the source of the problem. because in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.
All you need is love.
